Spurious Etymology

In Greek mythology, Acheron is a river leading to Hell.

Acheron = אחרון. Hmmmm?

Also, in ancient Greek, akhea means woe. איכה=Lamentations=woe=akhea.

Is there any historical/etymological evidence for either of these proposals? No. Can someone build a ridiculous Hannukah Dvar Torah around this . . . I'm working on it.